Domestic Violence: A Serious and Pervasive Problem

Some of you may have read the article I wrote last year prior to the release of my book, “The Prettiest House on the Block: A Revealing Story of Domestic Partner Abuse”. (The Prettiest Home on the Block, title changed.) If not, October, which is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, is the perfect time to reintroduce it, as well as the ages old, pervasive problem of intimate partner violence (IPV), aka domestic violence (DV). The term has been adjusted to reflect abuse not only associated with domestic partners, but with intimate relationships of any kind. It’s difficult to provide exact statistics on this scourge because there are several categories: physical violence, sexual violence, stalking, and psychological aggression, with several subpopulations: married, unmarried, same sex, degree of injury, etc. that are tallied. The broadest statistic, as reported by the CDC in October 2020, says that “about 1 in 4 women and nearly 1 in 10 men have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime”. These figures may be even higher due to underreporting, especially among men and same sex partners.

This problem is not disappearing from reality, but it’s not generally in the foremost part of anyone’s memory banks, either, unless they are directly involved in some way. Being distasteful to any compassionate human being, it’s not a topic that is comfortably discussed, especially by victims, which is why providing constant awareness is a necessary piece to finishing this alarming puzzle. Regardless of what might be a lack of exact accounting, one thing is glaringly clear, the COVID 19 pandemic has spawned a concerning increase in the incidences of IPV on a global scale. A study conducted at Georgia State University found that that there was a six to eightfold increase in intimate partner abuse incidences across the United States since the onset of the pandemic, fueled by stress and shelter-in-place restrictions. Clearly the problem is worsening, not improving, so constant education and awareness remain crucial.

My book journals the real life of a survivor of domestic abuse, but it is more than just her story. It’s an educational voyage into the cause and effects of domestic violence. I explore the nature (genetic) and nurture (environmental) factors that contribute to our personalities, particularly in relation to abusers and victims. More specifically, I attach these factors to scenarios in my characters’ lives from childhood through their story’s conclusion. I explain the medical conditions suffered by both husband and wife, all of which were paramount to the progression and outcome of their story. I provide avenues for help and suggestions for developing an escape plan, I repeatedly proclaim support and hope for victims, and much more.

Victims, survivors, friends, family members, counselors, healthcare providers, spiritual advisors, educators, even abusers, themselves, or anyone else interested in this topic will benefit from reading this book. If any of you happen to be in a position in your relationship that threatens your emotional or physical health, please remember there is help and there is hope. You don’t need to be a statistic, because you are strong and “you got this!”

Conclusion

The purpose of writing this book was less about making money as it was about being a victim advocate and an agent for change. In addition to promoting sales of my book, I am available to present a Power Point program on Domestic Violence, either in person or virtually, as indicated, for any group interested in learning more.  I have done both, so regardless of where in any English-speaking country you may reside, I can help. I am providing this service free of charge at this time. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or requests.

Here is one of the 5 star reviews of my book.

5.0 out of 5 stars Profound Real Raw Informative

Reviewed in the United States on October 6, 2020

Verified Purchase

“As a survivor of domestic violence, I can only say how much I wish this book was available sooner. It is profound and raw and real. Whether you are in a terrible situation or someone you love is .. please read this book. And if you are like many.. why doesn’t she just leave? This is for you!”

Another said it should be required reading for all high school students. “Excellent, valuable, a must read, pertinent, fascinating, highly recommended, well-written, and informative” are all adjectives used in Amazon reviews. Another person said: “I just couldn’t put this book down!” But you can see for yourself. It is available on amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, walmart.com, and other online merchants.

My websites:

https://wordpress.com/view/patricschrn.wordpress.com

https://www.facebook.com/PatSchochAuthor

Hidden Dangers of COVID 19: Love Shouldn’t Hurt

 “Husband for Sale”. We have all seen funny memes on Facebook during the quarantines of COVID 19 and thank goodness most of us have been able to see some semblance of humor in the darkness of this period in our lives. When can our kids go back to school? When can I go back to work? Will I even have a job to go back to when all this is over? Cohabitating with another person, or more if there are children or aging in-laws in the house, is hard enough as it is, but when you add quarantine and 24/7 isolation with each other, it adds another whole layer to the foundation. When people retire, I have heard jokes about how they will be able to tolerate the other person when he or she is home all the time, but many a truth is said in jest, and this is a real concern for some people. Routines are disrupted and things one may have disliked about another that used to be like a pebble in the ocean may now look like a boulder in a dry creek. Most household members can ultimately learn to cope and live with each other with minimal damage until the existential crisis is over, but not all.

The crisis we have been facing since Feb 2020 has given birth to even more concerning crises for some couples. Not every couple lives in bliss.  According to a February 2018 article sponsored by eHarmony, 64 % of couples reported they were happy. That leaves approximately 36% that are not. A certain percentage of these unhappy couples may have an even darker side: they may be either perpetrators or victims of domestic abuse. One in four women and one in seven men have been injured at the hands of an intimate partner. Every three seconds someone is assaulted by someone with whom they should be sharing love. Since the COVID 19 pandemic, calls to crisis centers and demands for emergency shelter have been overwhelming. These are the unseen tragedies directly related to COVID 19 that you may not see in the news every day. All of the stressors that everyone feels are exponentially worse for those with anger and control issues.

The term Domestic Violence has been all but replaced by the term Intimate Partner Violence, since not all violence occurs within the confines of a domestic situation. It can occur with dating couples, even in high school. It’s not always women who are victims, either. Although usually in less violent ways, women do abuse men. These cases often go unreported because men may be embarrassed about being assaulted by a woman. She might also threaten to take the children away from him, or if she controls the checkbook, she can withhold financial information from him. She might also threaten him with slander to family, friends, and even employers. In addition, there are no shelters for men at this point due to the supply and demand factor. Since there are generally more women than men who are abused, and because the danger to women is greater because men are usually more violent than women, the demand is not there for men. There is help for men, though, in the way of counseling resources and the legal process, if necessary.

There is another group that is also underrepresented in the statistics, and that is same-sex couples. There is a dearth of information on this group because few studies have been done on them, but, despite what may be the perception people have, it seems that the incidence of IPV may even be higher than that of heterosexual couples because of stressors that are unique to them, mostly from a societal standpoint. They need more specialized help than others, from professionals experienced in dealing with those with this unique set of issues. There is little doubt that more studies need to be done on same-sex couples and Intimate Partner Violence.

When I wrote my book, ”The Prettiest House on the Block: A Revealing Story of Domestic Partner Abuse”, I had absolutely no idea of the significance it would carry when it was released. My subject and I wanted to increase awareness of this persistent and devastating piece of our world, but we were oblivious to the impending  pandemic that would change our lives forever. I go into great detail on many aspects of this problem in my book, which is available on amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Prettiest-House-Block-Revealing-Domestic/dp/0999146092/ref=sr_1_1?crid=21MX4G0A71RLC&dchild=1&keywords=the+prettiest+house+on+the+block&qid=1600750507&sprefix=the+prettiest+house%2Cfinancial%2C162&sr=8-1, and at

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-prettiest-house-on-the-block-patricia-a-schoch/1137577058?ean=9780999146095.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. If you or someone you know may be in trouble, please call The Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or if you cannot speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474. Love shouldn’t hurt.

Mask Not What Your Country Can Do For you

CALLING ALL SEWERS

What will this country do if we run out of masks? I think we are all getting a little antsy at home so maybe we can use this time to do some good. As a retired nurse, I feel helpless at home. I thought about going back to work, but as a senior citizen I’m in a high risk group, and I have a large local family to think about, so I’ll be taking a break from my book and opening up my sewing room for a bit. If you are like me, you have tons of extra fabric sitting around. If not, you can order supplies online and have them delivered. There are multiple sites that show you how to do it. The first one is on the Joann Fabric website and they provide a video on how to make them. They’re simple but you need to make your own (easy) pattern. If you are looking to sew en masse, these would be OK. Just be aware they won’t be much protection against COVID 19 because they don’t have a filter. https://www.joann.com/ . The next one is the one I think I will use. They look a bit more time consuming but still easy. They have a pocket to put a filter in, a bendy tie for across the nose, and the mask goes under the chin. I haven’t tried to buy filters yet so I’m not sure if they will be available, but if not, a heavier fabric is, again, better than nothing, I think. For all of them, the recommendation is a heavier, non-stretch fabric like denim, duck cloth, burlap, etc. https://www.properfitclothing.com/product-page/flu-mask-pattern-download. This next one is fashioned like the N 95 respirators. I did not watch the entire video yet, truth be told, but you can check it out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSeDlVxQx1k.

There are other sites, too; this is just a sampling. Surf and see which one you like best. The CDC goes back and forth on what is acceptable, but if nothing else, they might at least protect the nose and mouth from the juicier coughs and sneezes.

And here is my next brainstorm for non-sewers. You can start laughing right now. I don’t see why we couldn’t fashion masks out of panty liners. They are made of thick, waterproof material and are soft. We could attach elastic or fabric ties to them with a couple of stitches. It certainly wouldn’t provide the coverage or protection that an N 95 or surgical mask would, but it would be better than nothing if we run out. And that’s all I’m going to say about that!

Ladies and gentlemen, use this time at home to help your community and your country and please, stay safe.